My 5-year-old insists that Bilbo Baggins is a girl.
The first time she made this claim, I protested. Part of the fun of reading to your kids, after all, is in sharing the stories you loved as a child. And in the story I knew, Bilbo was a boy. A boy hobbit. (Whatever that entails.)
But my daughter was determined. She liked the story pretty well so far, but Bilbo was definitely a girl. So would I please start reading the book the right way? I hesitated. I imagined Tolkien spinning in his grave. I imagined mean letters from his testy estate. I imagined the story getting as lost in gender distinctions as dwarves in the Mirkwood.
Then I thought: What the hell, it’s just a pronoun. My daughter wants Bilbo to be a girl, so a girl she will be. And you know what? The switch was easy. Bilbo, it turns out, makes a terrific heroine. She’s tough, resourceful, humble, funny, and uses her wits to make off with a spectacular piece of jewelry. Perhaps most importantly, she never makes an issue of her gender—and neither does anyone else."
what if every time u unzipped your pants it made the skype opening sound effect
Ellen should win an Oscar for being Ellen
"and the oscar for best ellen degeneres goes to…. ellen degeneres"
"The oscar for best Leonardo DiCaprio goes to… Ellen Degeneres!"
One time I was on a rollercoaster and a guy’s hat fell off during one of the loops but he caught it when we were right side up again, and i have to go my whole life knowing I’ll never be as cool as that guy.
"Lately I’ve been realizing- there’s no time in life to be insecure about anything. Why spend your whole life wishing for a perfect body? Nicer skin? A smaller nose? Blue eyes? A different personality? You can’t change what you were born with so embrace that shit. Some people are born with brains but they wish to be flawlessly beautiful; some people are born flawlessly beautiful but wish they could get better grades. There’s always gonna be something you’re not gonna like about yourself and you’re gonna wish to change it, but some things you just can’t change. I don’t believe that there is such thing as a perfect person, and if you sit there and dwell on the idea of being perfect you’ll never truly be happy. If you can learn to accept your flaws and understand that it’s a normal thing to have them; if you can embrace what you like about yourself and not give a fuck what people think about you, then you will find happiness. Obviously this is easier said than done but if you can accomplish this powerful sense of confidence goddamn it’s worth it."
if ur hair covers ur boobs u have mermaid hair and u are a mermaid i dont make the rules
As a man with a hairy chest, I was very, very confused by this post for about ten seconds.
You are a mermaid, sir